Doubt

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This is a raw memory, but I share it because I believe others may have experienced some similar doubt about themselves because of another’s judgment. It’s still painful, but I need to be more honest and kick this ugly moment out of my new life. My only lesson to others is to listen to your gut feelings. You’ll feel something is not right long before you’ll see the evidence.

Doubt

One day in the middle of my life, I went to an office building where a friendly woman tested me for attention deficit syndrome.

Because my significant other said I was wanting. I was broken. I forgot too many things.

I was a teacher. A mother. A wife. A volunteer. A supporter. A helper. A giver. A worrier.

And he judged me as less than whole.

When I told this kind professional why I was there, she looked at me.

“Are you serious?”

“No, he thinks I’m losing my mind.”

And so, hours of testing began. She gave me a battery of tests to determine the strength, the worth, the ability of my mind.

And, honestly, I enjoyed those hours with her. I liked the challenge. I was excited to see where it could go. To find out what knowledge would be dredged up.

Several weeks later, a binder of results showed up in the mail.

I passed with flying colors. I was whole. My mind was strong. Dare I gloat, superior.

I showed it to the person who once said he loved me.

He shook his head.

I still was not whole in his estimation.

Judged not enough.

I should have known

I would not pass

his test.

10 thoughts on “Doubt

  1. Julie thanks for sharing your painful experience and so glad you received evidence for what you probably, in your heart knew to be true and what every friend or supporter can tell you! I too have been considered less than and severely wanting and when it comes from someone we’ve loved and supported, it’s so easy to start to believe… Doubt doubt… it’s so hard sometimes and when we look from the outside to someone we find so talented and special (like you) it’s hard to guess that person may be doubting… so a good lesson to all of us when/if we think we may be the only ones going through it!

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  2. Thank you for sharing. I knew it wasn’t good but I never imagined this. Remember you are whole, you are powerful, and you are loved. So proud of you.

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  3. Julie, I’m so glad that your’re discovering and healing yourself. You deserve happiness, fulfillment, adventure, self-worth, and all things wonderful. You go, girl! NOW is YOUR time!!

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  4. Unfortunately, it is a big club. Everything wrong with our marriage was my fault. The final count was he had four wives before checking off this mortal coil… One day you will count yourself fortunate, I do! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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